Misty McMichael, Steve McMichael & ALS Caregiving | Part 1
Misty & Steve McMichael: When a Love Story Becomes a Caregiving Story
Part 1 of 4
I would like to tell you about an angel.
Well, several angels.
But one in particular.
Her name is Misty McMichael.
You can hear me talk about Misty in Episode 7 of my podcast How I Killed My Mother, but there is far too much to say about this woman—and about caregiving, marriage, ALS, hope, exhaustion and what happens when the person you love becomes completely dependent upon you—to fit into one podcast episode.
So I’m telling her story here in four parts.
This is the story of Misty McMichael and her husband, Steve “Mongo” McMichael. But looking back on it now, I realize it is also one of the stories that began teaching me what caregiving really means.
Long before I became a caregiver myself.
Long before Saving the Father.
Because there is the person who gets sick.
And then there is the person who loves them.
Both lives change.
Steve “Mongo” McMichael & Misty McMichael via Misty’s Instagram McMichael.Misty FOLLOW
Meeting Misty McMichael
I first met Misty when she came into my private Mafia Hairdresser Salon on Walton Street in Chicago’s Gold Coast.
She had been recommended to me by her gal-pal Laurie, a hair client of mine—and a woman Misty claims was one of three ladies who had saved her life.
And not just because Laurie sent her to me to get her hair done.
More about Laurie, and those other life-saving ladies, later.
During that first appointment, after we talked about Misty’s hair and I decided that a platinum “foiliage” color, cut and style would be what I was going to expertly perform on her, Misty began telling me about her husband.
Steve had passed the two-year mark of living with ALS.
At that time, Misty told me she believed he probably had a few more years left in him.
And like any good hairdresser, I listened.
Hairdressers hear a lot.
Over my career, I’ve had many clients whose lives—or the lives of people they loved—were affected by ALS. And from what Misty was telling me that day, I wasn’t sure Steve had as much time as she hoped.
I certainly wasn’t going to tell her that.
I just listened.
When a Wife Becomes a Caregiver
What struck me immediately was how caregiving had taken over Misty’s life.
While I worked on her hair, she was constantly interrupted by phone calls.
At-home nurses.
Steve’s doctors.
Steve’s brother, who was taking care of him that day.
And celebrities checking in to find out when they could come to the house to visit Steve.
Misty was sitting in my salon chair, but part of her was still at home.
That is something I understand much better today.
A caregiver can leave the house without ever really leaving the person they are caring for.
Misty told me about her life before Steve. She told me how she fell in love with him and about their wonderful years together.
And then she told me what they were going through now.
I felt that Misty’s life, her love story with Steve, and the way ALS was playing out in both of their lives was compelling—but also important.
So, with her permission, I decided to share her story.
I think you’ll learn something about ALS.
But I also hope you’ll learn something about what happens to the person standing beside someone with a devastating disease.
The caregiver.
If Misty’s story inspires somebody, prepares somebody, helps somebody, or gets passed along to somebody who needs it, Misty and I would appreciate that.
And if you read this and feel a little more love in your heart for Misty and Steve—and for other people and families affected by ALS—then maybe we have succeeded in putting a little more love into the world.
Even if it is only a bit.
Steve Mongo McMichael Chicago Bears via Misty’s Instagram McMichael.Misty FOLLOW
Before Steve McMichael
Misty grew up middle class, in a family where most everyone went to college.
Misty went to college too. She was even pre-med.
But she was bored.
No subject attracted her attention.
As a young adult, she had a string of go-nowhere relationships, two of which were exceptionally abusive.
Misty was pretty—and pretty damn fun to be with—and she certainly wasn’t bored when she became a professional stripper after a string of lesser-paying “normal jobs.”
But by only 24 years old, Misty had already been through her worst relationships.
She was single.
Lonely.
And tired of her life as it was.
She began rethinking her job, her education and, certainly, the men she was attracted to.
And then, one Sunday night, she walked into a bar.
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A Life-Changing Night at the Pearl Oyster Bar
After an exceptionally exhausting week of dancing for strangers, Misty was about to meet the man who would become her knight in shining armor.
A man who would change her life forever.
Of course, she didn’t know that when she walked into the Pearl Oyster Bar in Austin, Texas, where she lived in her early twenties.
All Misty wanted that night was to go out after work and be near people without necessarily being the center of attention.
In fact, she employed what she called her “resting bitch face” and leaned over her drink at the bar as though these were her personal social-distancing tools.
As Misty nursed her lemon drop shots—with sugar on the rim—she wondered if she would ever find true love.
And yet…
She was sooo over men.
Sitting there, Misty began reviewing her life with the men she had chosen and mentally created a list of “never-agains.”
She never again wanted a man who would hurt her.
She never again wanted a man who would take her money.
But when she tried to create a second list—the things she did want in a man—she had trouble coming up with anything.
Had she ever dated a good man?
If you're caring for a parent, spouse or loved one—or trying to understand what caregiving can do to an entire family—this four-part story continues with Misty and Steve McMichael's journey through ALS, love, loss, advocacy and the extraordinary demands of caring for someone who increasingly depends upon you.
Misty’s Wish for a Good Man
In the last few minutes of her night out, while taking the final sip of her drink, Misty prayed.
Or maybe it was more of a wish.
She told me she wasn’t praying to any particular divine entity.
She just wished.
She wished she would meet a good man.
A man she could love and adore.
A man who could take care of her and who would appreciate what she could do for him.
And she felt good about that wish.
So good that she later remembered it as the most important thing she had ever wished—or prayed for—in her entire life.
Then, around midnight, Misty finished her drink and decided to leave.
Before she could get up from the bar stool, however, in walked a six-foot-two-inch “hunk of a man.”
Sunglasses were perched on his head, holding back long, dark hair that reached his waist.
He didn’t just walk into the bar.
He sauntered.
He swaggered.
The man entered that bar as if he knew everyone had been waiting for him to arrive and expected to see a king.
He obliged.
“Holly, crap,” Misty said to herself. “Who the f*ck is that?”
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Enter Steve “Mongo” McMichael
Misty was interested.
But Misty was also tired.
And it was late.
The hunk looked like trouble—as much as she was attracted to him—and she hadn’t even finished formulating her new wish list yet.
So she turned her back to him.
She decided she needed to add another item to her prayer: stop being attracted to bad boys.
Because this guy looked like one.
Then he sat down on the bar stool directly beside her.
Misty was startled.
“WTF!?” she said under her breath, noticing his cowboy boots.
At first, she didn’t want to acknowledge him.
She was going to ignore him for one long, dramatic minute—or two—and then leave.
After all, unfinished wishes and prayers couldn’t possibly be answered that fast.
And she certainly didn’t think this hot, apparently full-of-himself stranger was going to become the love of her life.
Then Steve McMichael got right into her face.
“I don’t know what you think, but you can’t have me.”
Adrenaline, shock and a lifetime of being hit on by men helped Misty quickly forget her exhaustion, her prayers and whatever else she’d been thinking.
She snapped back.
“Who said I wanted you?”
And flipped her long, fine blonde hair off her shoulder.
I’m sure Misty cussed when she first met Steve—the man who would become her untimely surprise drop from heaven.
Misty cusses a lot.
The Lemon Drop That Started a Love Story
There was a cooling-off period.
Then Misty sent Steve a drink through the bartender.
A lemon drop.
With sugar on the rim.
Later, Steve returned the favor and had the bartender send her the same drink.
Except…
It didn’t have sugar on the rim.
So Misty cussed some more at Steve.
Steve chuckled some more.
And then they talked.
Whatever they talked about that night created the perfect spark, because Misty and Steve were rarely apart after that fateful March 24 in 1998.
One year later, on March 24, 1999, they became engaged in Venice, Italy.
Steve had asked Misty what she thought was the most romantic city in the world.
In the year leading up to their engagement—well after she’d fallen in love with him at the Pearl Oyster Bar—Misty discovered that Steve “Mongo” McMichael was, indeed, a wild and crazy bad boy.
But he was also kind and gentle with her.
He didn’t take her money.
And he appreciated her as much as she appreciated him.
She also learned that he was a hard-working athlete and bona fide celebrity whom the public loved.
Misty told me that no matter how much the public knew about Steve, they would probably never know what a romantic he was.
Getting engaged in Italy was Steve’s idea.
And getting married on—you guessed it—March 24, 2001, was Steve’s idea too.
They had a good life together.
Until…
Steve McMichael’s ALS Diagnosis
In September 2020, after Steve’s arms began fumbling, Misty and Steve received the first ALS diagnosis.
Initially, they were in disbelief.
They sought a second opinion.
Then a third.
Eventually, they had to surrender to the reality of what Steve was facing.
Steve lost the use of his arms and hands altogether.
In public, Steve expressed gratitude that this hadn’t happened when he was a younger man. He said he was thankful to have already lived the life he’d had.
Misty told me her husband was brave from the beginning.
He was brave for his fans.
He was brave at home for her and her daughter.
He rarely broke down, surrendered or expressed remorse.
He was a trooper.
He took on the disease gracefully and with dignity.
What Misty didn’t yet understand was how difficult things would become as ALS progressed.
The Reality of ALS Caregiving
On April 23, 2021, Steve announced during a WGN-TV interview with his friend Jarrett Payton that he would be fighting ALS privately, away from the public eye.
Misty told me that she believed the inspirational and spiritual support Steve received from fans, friends, teammates and family—as well as people associated with the NFL, WWF, ESPN and WGN—helped him fight.
She wanted to thank them.
She said Steve thanked them too.
She also wanted to thank their doctors, nurses and home-care specialists, as well as the people who helped them through the ALS Association and the Les Turner ALS Foundation.
They received love.
They received support.
And they were thankful.
But as Steve became less able to interact with the outside world, Misty increasingly became the person through whom that world reached him.
And Steve could show his love for Misty in the most elemental way left to him:
By staying alive.
For her.
When Hope Meets the Reality of ALS
When someone is diagnosed with ALS, one of the most terrifying parts is confronting what the disease may take away—and how quickly it may happen.
Steve and Misty had been given the reality of their situation when Steve was diagnosed.
Knowing it didn’t make experiencing it easier.
The speed with which ALS began taking Steve’s motor skills shocked them.
Steve’s disease progressed wickedly and quickly.
Ignorance may not have been bliss, but they both held onto hope.
Against the odds, they even dreamed that Steve might somehow beat them when his major symptoms began.
But they soon learned there is a tremendous difference between knowing the statistics of a disease and living through what that disease actually does to someone you love.
By the time I got to know Misty, Steve had also lost his breath and his speech.
“All that’s left now is his eyeballs,” I wrote at the time, after Misty explained how far his ALS had progressed.
And she had been told that eventually he might lose even that movement.
It had taken only about two and a half years for all of this to happen.
Sadly, by then, Misty no longer believed Steve had as much time remaining as she had hoped when I first met her.
And yet she remained beside him.
Wife.
Protector.
Advocate.
Caregiver.
Misty’s story had started as a love story.
ALS had turned it into something else, too.
A story about what love asks of us when somebody we love can no longer take care of themselves.
I didn’t fully understand that lesson yet.
Later, when caregiving entered my own life, I would.
And that is part of the story I will eventually tell in Saving the Father.
End of Part 1 of 4.
ALS Information and Help
ALS Foundation: The largest, national non-profit organization dedicated to ALS by providing assistance for people with ALS through a nationwide network of chapters, coordinating multidisciplinary care through certified clinical care centers. CLICK
Les Turner ALS Foundation: Provides comprehensive ALS care and support services in the Chicagoland area and at Northwestern Medicine. Information & answers in advanced vital care, research, and life-enhancing treatments. CLICK
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